All Kerala Democratic Runners Association (Republican)

It is entirely possible that in Kerala running is classified as 'intensive physical labour by proletariat' that gives exploitative bourgeois sitting in the comforts of their houses and offices (of multinational corporations) immoral pleasure and pecuniary benefits. Running is possibly classified as a form of class struggle, that is to be used only in extreme circumstances – such as running away from cops and running after speeding state buses that do not stop at designated bus stops.

Running might be an activity regulated and permitted only to the hardworking and exploited working class (who have nothing to lose but their chains). Only members of runners unions might be allowed to practise this profession. Non-union members might have to pay a fee fixed on a pro rata basis to the distance covered. Each union would have sovereign running rights over a few villages and therefore we will have to work out payments for a network of unions along the way. A union that we pay to could offer us protection, while rival unions might boo the runner, unleash dogs, chuck coconuts etc. The revolutionary opportunities could be immense…

If there is a federation level body of the unions, it would not necessarily make our life easier – they might need a separate payment towards the cause of ‘global class action’ or the ‘Final Run’.

Plus, we will have to worry about photographers unions, writers unions etc. By now, Kerala might even have a bloggers union. Each union will have a noble class action of global significance. We might need an entire team of people to work through this intricate web of unions and might never quite be on the top of issues.

One possible way around this could be to form our own union. Forming a union should not be too difficult so long as we stick to some basic rules. I can remember the following:

Typically unions in Kerala need at least one member, but there is a measure of flexibility on this clause.

The Union should have a name that emanates gravity. ‘All India/All Kerala/World should appear somewhere. Use of ‘global’ could have us mistaken for a bourgeois outfit. Democratic/Peoples (we need to take a few cues from the Chinese here) will give it a sense of fairness and legitimacy.

The flag/logo should be red and have images of a sickle, hammer, chainsaw, pile driver etc. Kalasnikovs are not quite in fashion yet.

The head of the union should adopt a middle name of a famous revolutionary. Stalin, Pol Pot, Miloslavic etc might work in other states, but here we might have to think of someone who has transcended class divide and appeals universally. How about Desmond Rooney Roberts or Peter Paris Hilton Dulvy?

Anybody who runs/plans to run in Kerala needs to be a member. This should be non negotiable. Study classes for members will be compulsory too.

Subsequently, we could extend compulsory membership to anyone in Kerala who wants to walk.

I can already see tremendous potential for ending exploitation and freeing the masses from the oppressive yoke of capitalism. Exploited people of the world, RUN!
RK